things i’m sorry for

i’m sorry i stayed up until 2 last night watching MTV instead of sleeping

i’m sorry i said my mom was a bad parent for not calling

i’m sorry i cried after she did

i’m sorry i talk with my hands too much during interviews

i’m sorry i talk too much

i’m sorry i sometimes dislike my friends for being happy

i’m sorry i don’t understand W-4s and direct deposit forms

i’m sorry i don’t know how to use concealer and i don’t own a blazer or dress pants or a car

i’m sorry i think my life would somehow be better if i did

i’m sorry that i talk more about reading than i actually do read

i’m sorry that i’m 18 and i wiped my booger on the wall

i’m sorry i lied

i’m sorry i’m not actually sorry about that

i’m sorry that i glanced at the clock only during your parts of our conversation

i can tell you that coffee isn’t an adequate substitute for sleep

and the Beatles’ last album was Abbey Road

but we still won’t win at trivia

i stole a pen yesterday

i’m sorry about that


If I Couldn’t Fail – Daily Post Response

This is a response to:

I know I really only answered the first part of the question. Sorry, folks!

If I couldn’t fail

I would sing on Broadway

I would tap dance and smile

And blow them away

I would learn every language

There is to learn

I would try to set fire

To something that won’t burn

I would teach an ant how to dance

I would build a house

I would do an impression

Of Minnie Mouse

I would write a novel

And have it sell worldwide

I would discover Oz

And become a tour guide

I would make everyone smile

All across the land

I would cure cancer

I would do a handstand

I would grow wings and fly

I would learn Braille

And then, lastly –

I would fail.