Looking For Myself

I’m looking for myself

I see a girl walking down the sidewalk

Her steps are big and easy

As she strides, her mouth moves animatedly

Her foot hovers next to her

Then swoops down in a circle

Her hands fly

Into the air

As she turns around to the boy behind her

And walks backwards

She spins around laughing

Her leg kicks up behind her

And she grins over her shoulder

Is that me?

I continue looking.

I come to another girl

Clinging to a boy

Wearing his jacket

She’s the only girl there

And as the boys joke around with one another

I notice

She flirts with every one of them

Flipping her hair

Letting them poke her sides

That can’t be me

I move on

In front of a shop

A girl sits against the bricks

Her dark hair in her face

She’s drinking coffee

And writing furiously in her notebook

She doesn’t glance at passerby

Instead, she hides under black clothes

And dark hair

And breathes her poetry

I don’t want this to be me,

I decide

And move on

In a school field

Ponytailed girls wearing pleated skirts

Kick high into the air

Jumping into splits

And yelling loudly

One girl is in charge

She stands in front

Kicks the highest

Yells the loudest

But the hate in her eyes is the greatest

I watch her trip students walking by

And yell insults

That isn’t me

Where am I?

I turn away from the cheerleaders

And see that girl again

Walking down the sidewalk with her friend

She flattens her hair

But it’s pointless

Because she spins around again

And smiles widely

Could that be me?

I look closer

Her eyes seem happy and sparkling

But something behind them is hollow

Like she’s missing something

My heart jumps

As I realize I’ve found myself

She stops talking

And her friend looks at her strange

I thinks she knows I’m here

I think she knows she’s here

I swoop towards her and she grins

I grin

Something’s different

I have vague memories

Of girls I don’t know

But who cares?

I feel better now somehow

My friend asks me,

Am I ok?

I laugh

It’s like I’ve found myself


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